Everyone’s desires run faster than greyhounds,

racing up an ever-growing mountain;

a peak that has never been touched,

could never be touched, will never be

touched, and yet they persist towards it.

In honesty, I too feel that same urge

as I stare: the perfect pinnacle, the achievement

no one can top… to see over others,

to be over others, to reign over others,

to laugh over others, to live over others.

My sanity has left me for grand expectations; I make a stew out of them every hour of the day.

When my wants spill down my throat, it

barely meets my stomach.

It spits them out in an irritable rage:

Give me food to eat!

And so I toiled in endless fields of crops

I could not reap from;

And so I stapled aimless thoughts on dreams

I could not awake from;

And so I jump down caverns shining gold, now

lost in a prison I cannot escape from…

The starving flesh hurts so greatly; I eat myself in a chaos. What can stop my teeth from gnawing in hatred? my bones snap like branches, my blood floods my chalice. I feast on this wretched meal of mine, and still I mope in hunger.

Amidst the state of my body in pieces, in the

shallowest bases of desperation, I feel Him in my suffering, molding my form anew; not in the flesh that I have devoured but in the soul which He has saved.

What can I give what you already have?

I am being held captive in folly and fright, —

my hope is bruised from battles within, —

my tears taste sweeter than water and wine.

He simply said, ‘Trust in me,’ and so I did.

And by His grace alone, every color came from above, lifting me higher than the tallest towers,

higher than the Nepalese mountains, higher than

the cirrus clouds, higher than the egos of pride…

And this weight was lifted from me, this weight of emptiness. For once, I am filled, — filled from rest! which only He can provide.