Dear Miss Lonely Hearts,

I accidentally stole 8 cents off Lucas Binion’s printing account. I feel horrible about it, I can’t sleep! What should I do? Send help fast.

8 cents Richer.

Dear 8 Cents:

A single sheet of paper might not seem like a big deal, but when Lucas’ History of Spacetime professor asks him to print that 50-page PDF on string theory, he’ll need all the cents he can get. Consider getting him a gift certificate to Printing Services (they make those, right?) tied ’round a single rose. Wait until midnight, then don a mysterious cloak — preferably with a hood — and leave it on his doorstep.

Yours ’til the ink runs out,

Miss Lonely Hearts.