Fiction

The Field Remembers

The craters are hardly visible now. The cracked earth of the great divots is covered by a layer of plant life. The tall yellow grass waves in the breeze, a bandage across the land. Ticks jump from stalk to stalk, frolicking in the light. Below the earth, gophers scurry back and forth in their tunnels, embarking on errands and family business. In the dips and holes, ferns create a miniature canopy over a carpet of mosses, further sheltering the scarred ground from the sky above. 

The field remembers when harsh shapes of steel and flame streaked the sky, the whistle of their plummeting payloads setting the grass trembling in anticipation. Boots slammed down on the  ground, squelching the ferns into the mud as they attempted to run, to escape the inevitable. Shouts filled the air. And then a boom, as the world shook, and the ground was scarred. 

But that is done now. The scars are covered, healing bit by bit.

Among the covered craters stands one hill. It is not a particularly large or notable hill. A piece of  rusty scrap metal has recently been pulled aside from the little door that it once hid. The door is circular, made of dullish grey metal, and buried up to its center. Behind the inwards-swinging door, old, reinforced brick walls line the inside of the hill, forming a dome beneath the earth. A set of wooden cabinets are built into the wall opposite the door, their once white paint stained to a dark brownish gray. The floor is dirt, dry and hard packed. It conceals cigarette butts once ground under boots, stained paper and wrappers, a dropped pen with ink long dried. 

The field remembers when this room was filled with voices of fear. A legless corpse on a stretcher, wailing as if it were still alive. A blinded man trying desperately to open the cabinets. A uniformed figure curled up by the wall, knocking her head slowly and repeatedly into the brick. Knock. Knock. Knock. A scream. Knock. The blind man dropped a glass. Crash. Knock. Knock. A distant explosion.

The sounds are gone now. While they are still remembered, their echoes have faded, even in the earth which holds them longer than most. 

No plants grow under the hill, except for in the center of the room, where a single fern patch  sprouts under a beam of light that shines through the top of the hill. This beam shines not through a  window or from a conveniently placed spotlight, but through a hole, dug into the rain-and-time-weakened ceiling by a group of children trying to bury treasure. 

The treasure lies near one of the walls, a cardboard box of stolen jawbreakers only half buried  because the ground here is difficult to dig in and the children didn’t have the patience for it. How could they, after all, when they had found such a cool new hideout? The children did not find the remains in the dirt. The children did not hear the sounds that had echoed in the hill. The children saw only what was here now, and what was here now was good. Their shovel is still planted next to the treasure, and sticks of  several shapes and sizes have recently made their way into the stash by the cabinets. 

It was the sticks that drew the attention of the gophers. A series of tunnels stretching under the field, connecting at three places to the dome, were home to the local gopher family. A mother, father, aunt, grandmother, uncle, and various assorted gopher children all lived together in the tunnels and were rather confused by the new neighbors poking at their tunnels. 

The gophers were timid at first, and they avoided the children. The children searched for the  gophers but never managed to get close. The gophers stuck to the tunnels, and the children quickly dismissed them and ceased their attempts at stick-powered exploration. As time went on, though, curiosity got the better of both sides, and they sought to make contact. A kid left some apple slices for the gophers. The grandmother gopher brought another kid a worm. And slowly, the factions began to interact and to play.

As there are no children here at the moment, there are no gophers either, except for the uncle scrabbling at the sides of the treasure. But when the children return, there will be a vast sea of curious nibbling faces to greet them. 

Throughout these events, the cabinet under the hill has remained locked, both the children and the gophers failing their attempts to open it. Its stained doors remain a mystery to them. 

The field remembers when this cabinet was one of instruments of life and death. A syringe rested next to a pistol. Knives and scalpels lined the shelves. Blood shone on the stainless steel and colored the glass trays that held it. 

The tools are buried now. Rainwater, moving drip by drip with the force of a flood, seeped into  the back of the cabinet and collapsed it. Where once the shelves were, now a new harmonious kingdom has formed. Moss makes its home, forming little cottages and towns for itself within the dirt. Earthworms  stay the night at the moss towns, a pitstop on their lifelong journey. Delving down from above to explore  this new land, roots take hold, providing a new stability for the earth below and the plants above. If the  children and gophers were to ever open the cabinet, they would not be impressed by the new contents, but  for the field there is nothing that could make it happier. 

The field rests easy below the occasional chattering of the animals and plants, great and small, above and beneath.

The Detritivore

“Taking photographs has set up a chronic voyeuristic relation to the world which levels the meaning of all events…The omnipresence of cameras persuasively suggests that time consists of interesting events, events worth photographing.”

—Susan Sontag, In Plato’s Cave

silently it slithers

serpentine

—satanic

leaves

     alliteratively a-rustle

it carves a wake-          (funerary?)

hence-lifetime

of snapped twigs

& naturally

      dreams

a faint gleam

lunar

(thus portentous)

     light on its flesh

or through it:

     translucent

its latest meals laid bare

it swallows

               moon

          leaves

     trail

translucency

verily, it is an ouroboros:

sisyphean self-digestion:

an act of mythic 

collaboration

      it shits

them all out

corroded 

in consumptive vitriol

essences extracted

for your viewing pleasure

A Letter to the Visitor

I’m tired of playing a scientist.

The letters of all the questions, the guesses, experiments and conclusions stamp themselves into my brain.

It’s easy, the way my finger flips on the lights, letting the hum into my head as I tend to my beakers, muttering about potential solutions to the problems I can touch. 

It’s all I can do to not look down at the ink and graphite smudged against my hand while breathing in the air gone stale with fear and regret.

And I’m tired of masquerading as a mathematician.

The variables in all the equations, the theories, calculations and answers work their way into the inside of my eyelids. 

It’s automatic, counting the way I’ve learned to by jumping backwards from the hundreds, my fingers loose and limber from the sting of checking and rechecking what should be correct

It’s all I can muster to get it all right, because to be wrong by a literal fraction would surely mean weeks of embarrassment.

And I hate being a historian. 

The books and photographs and movie reels find their way into my heart in the night, arteries clogged with what should be ash, if not dust

It’s tragic, how important the information is in the anecdotes written by various hands, some of them my own. 

It’s all I can hope to ensure that the yellowed pages and faded time shape how I see the science, those abundant and precious scenarios, and come up with the formulas for the success that flits between my fingers. 

I will never stop.

With love to the scientists, mathematicians, and historians of the world, 

The Curator of the Museum

You Are in a Hole

You are in a hole. There is no way out.

You could try clawing up, if you want.

Perhaps you might tear some dirt loose;

perhaps your nails bleed on cold stone.

You might as well yell your voice ragged,

but you cannot tell if your cries can reach the surface,

shrouded in shadow as it is,

and few ropes could reach this far down anyways.

You would prefer to be in a box,

with no yawning reminder of an elsewhere.

You might content yourself with memories of the sun.

Idiot. What do you know of sunlight?

You are in a hole. You could try to spin stories:

what you will do once freed, what your friends must be up to.

You fail, of course. The words of freedom and friendship

have no point of reference, here in the hole.

The longer you stay here

(What is ‘long?’ You lack minutes or months.)

the less you can recall of words altogether.

Tools of communication are vestigial,

here in the hole. They wither.

Suppose that, through some miracle —

gravity reverses for your sake —

you get out. Congratulations!

You were missed, met with a chorus of

“Where have you been?”

You answer, but it all seems rather silly now.

You are surrounded by loved ones,

not alone, in a hole. The hearth crackles

with welcoming warmth; the clammy hole

now seems very far away indeed.

After a moment of adjustment to the light

you forget that darkness weighs on ineffectual eyes.

You find it difficult to speak about silence.

Let’s say, when you keel over, you go to Heaven. Well done!

Dining on ambrosia, God at your side,

you peer down through the stratosphere at your family.

What the hell are they doing down there?

Your nectar-marinated tongue recoils,

imagining their dirt-born food. Their sublimest tones

grate against your ear, attuned to angelic chorus.

The hole, up here, has slipped your mind altogether.

After a bit God likely bores of you, casts you back to Samsara

As a baby, or a bunny, or a beetle, or a bird,

you are far more concerned with your body

than with the Kingdom of The Lord Your God.

So its echo fades. But on the off chance that you become

a worm, you might writhe your way back to the hole.

Maybe this time it will be a home.

The hole itself would not improve;

you would just have worse taste.

50°00′56′′N 02°41′51′′E

when i died, i tried to take the sky with me

i remember the way it felt, sharp and bright

on the scraped skin of my cheek

but when i tried to grab it, i couldn't reach

tired arms ricocheting

off the copper, stiff in the air

i put my wrists to my ribs, told myself

if i imagined hard enough

i could turn bones into silt

ask the sky to feed them

until petals broke through,

blood-red sprigs molting

to rageful mauve

let them devour, i thought

i would rather be nothing

if i cannot keep the sky—

i do not want the world

to keep my bones

The Cranberry Man

He bolts upright from the classroom floor to find there is hardwood now instead of emerald carpet. His legs are shorter than they’d used to be, clad in long khaki shorts that show shriveled monkey limbs from the knees down. No. No, no, no!

His hands are shriveled like the prunes he’d so often associated with old age, thick white hairs curling off the backs of them, follicular steam. Where had she gone?

Touch

When I first met Paul, I thought she was a Jesus freak because of her shirt. The shirt was screaming neon yellow, the kind of shirt they give you at camp because you need to be able to find your campers again after letting them loose in a roadside history museum or food court, and it was too big because they only ever make camp shirts in one size. It said “TAG — YOU’RE IT!” on the front, with a big screen-printed cross. It was kind of threatening.

Phaedra the Siren: The superficiality of infatuation

Phaedra lulls at sea, draped in satin that melts when touched by water, perched on the rocky coast. Temptress by night and day, Phaedra represents desire, impulse, and risk. Her voice and beauty make any man surrender to her grasp… Infatuation as a psychological phenomenon entails a constant state of arousal and demonstrates a variant of ‘love at first sight’.